Pencil Neck

Are you bored with your sad cubicle life? Do you feel like you are in desperate need of fun and adventure? Well then . . .

Drop that pen and pick up a brand new pencil!!!!! (number 2 that is)

 

What? That doesn’t sound exciting to you? You obviously have been in your cube too long, and are therefore missing the subtle features that make up the awesome pencil!

 

The pencil is possibly one of the most exciting and revolutionary tools invented by man. Yet, you sit around bleeding blue and black ink on everything and driving everyone nuts with your incessant and compulsive clicking.

 

Now, I know that you haven’t used a pencil since your last math class, which may or man not have been in the current milenia, which is why you have to trust us here at Taupe Times on this one when we say, the pencil will revolutionize the way you do everything.

 

I now present to you the benefits of the pencil:

 

  1. You get to use a sharpener!  And, like everything else in this awesomely modern world, you can choose from a wide array of sharpener styles.  There’s the obvious heave-ho crank style from way back, the standard electric grinder, or the super fancy electric ones that display everything from the date and time to the amount of iron in your feces.  (eat more spinach you anemic freak)
  2. You can erase! Yeah, yeah, there’s the erasable pen. When have those ever worked? You can completely erase everything with a pencil. Guaranteed! And you get those fun little eraser bits everywhere that you can wipe off or blow away, making you feel like an accomplished artist or a famous architect (alert: you’re not either of those things.  You work in a dumb cube.)
  3. The smell! If you haven’t used a pencil in more than a year, you probably have forgotten what they smell like, or that they even have a scent at all.  The wood of the pencil and the graphite combine to make a delicate yet robust aroma that touches your nose in a place no other smell can.  Get out the tissues, because just one waft will trigger a nostalgia for the younger and more cubicleless years. Find me a pen does that!
  4. You can act like a giant, angry ogre! You can snap a pencil with one hand.  This means you can either blow through a box of 20 just by pretending to be the Hulk, or you can wait until your boss asks you to stay late again, snap your pencil and continue on working with your best 100 yard stare.
  5. You have a vampire weapon! If modern literature/movies are any indication, the vampireapocolypse will arrive shortly.  The more pencils the better.  You might want to invest in this pencil launcher as well . . . just in case.
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Categories: Asthetics

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