Look Ma! No Pants!

Suits. They’re the nightmare, quintessential cliché for unoriginal thought and everything Taupe Times would love to eliminate from the paradigm of human existence.  So how can you avoid becoming merely another outfit of society?  Easy! Don’t change . . .your pants.


The suits would have you believe that success is reflected by the quality of the fabric on your body. Such bullshit phrases comes to mind such as, “You don’t wear the suit, the suit wears you” and  “Don’t dress for the job you have, dress for the job you want.” Not only are these entirely meaningless catch phrases used to fill the void that occurs when business-types don’t have any more business to discuss, they are horrible degradations of the value of human life.   We stand our ground for such values and rip the suit to shreds if it even thinks about wearing us or telling us what job we will have. Most importantly, we believe success is reflected by the amount of use gained from the most limited supply.  Therefore, we own only one pair of black dress pants and wear them five days a week, 365 days a year (minus 15 days of PTO time).


Impossible you say? Everyone will notice you’re a bum? Wrong! No one notices anything in an office, much less your style or color of pants. Except for the suits, of course, but that’s only important if you want to get promoted. We suggest you not want such a horrible, time-wasting thing.


Not only will you be saving yourself a small amount of cash, you will be saving yourself time and energy by not deciding which pants to wear in the morning, because you will only have one choice! The black ones! Think of it as your uniform and disguise all in one.




–       It is important you choose black pants, because they go with everything.

–       You will want to make sure they are machine washable, unless you want to help support your local drycleaners (weirdo)

–       Don’t wear any underwear.  Real cube warriors go commando in everything they do to have a constant reminder of the feeling of freedom.


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Categories: Guerilla Tactics

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