Whistle While You Work

You don’t have to be a cartoon midget in love with Snow White to enjoy the benefits of this tactic.  The goal here is to bring up your manna points with the flick of a switch. In your brain, that is.

Science has demonstrated, on multiple occasions, that even if you are feeling down, you can trick your mind into being happy simply by faking a smile. If you are already a happy-go-lucky person (i.e. an asshole), you have probably tried to impress your friends with this trivial piece of psychological advancement. Congratulations Freud!  You win the Nobel Prize in “We’re not impressed”.

We took this piece of knowledge one step further. We spent a whole day humming an upbeat tune, whenever we weren’t talking, eating or preoccupying our mouths with whatever else.  Yes. All day.

To our own disbelief, not one of our coworkers said anything or looked at us like they might vomit.  More importantly though, unlike simply smiling, which still allows your brain the freedom to think horrible and destructive thoughts about your work environment, humming fills your mind with happy music that drowns out the negative thoughts that would otherwise drag you down and make you a miserable and grey human being.

Now before you rape George Orwell’s profound work for the umpteenth time and mindlessly scream 1984 (we really live in a Brave New World instead, in case you didn’t know), we want to be clear that we are not advocating brainwashing yourself to accept your cubical reality as good or anything of the sort.  Rather, we are offering a tactic that will allow you to get through your day without draining all your energy on stupid office shit, thus allowing you to use your free time with the vigor necessary to escape your square world. Think of it as a form of meditation, which is what it really is, or, a douche-hazmat suit for your mind, which is way funnier.

After doing this for about four hours or so(a jazzy, bebop theme works best), you may not even need to hum out loud, as it will be ingrained in your head and will allow you to meditate on it, without actually driving your coworkers nuts.  If you don’t care about how your coworkers feel, then we suggest humming as loud as possible. It’s okay.  You’ll be smiling in Zen the whole time they assault you.  We promise.

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Categories: Guerilla Tactics

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